Connecting With Your
This is a video with Jelelle Awen talking about the Gatekeeper and offering a guided meditation to connect with yours. She talks about her process with Gatekeepers over the years and how they have shifted to strongly masculine warrior frequencies to eventually feminine bridging energies. The Gatekeeper shifts from guard to guide; they become a more and more pure channel of Divine love, access to Higher Dimensional Frequencies, Akashic Records (which are 'contained' in your Metasoul line), and more.
What Is A 4D Inner Protector/Gatekeeper? By Jelelle Awen
I am here, waiting for you to see me and feel me.
Waiting for you to get how much I have done for you.
Waiting for you to understand what I am here to offer you.
Waiting for you to remember why you are here and what your purpose is.
I am here, waiting for you to love me as I have loved you.
Waiting for you to pick up on the signals and signs that I am leaving you.
Waiting for you to connect that what you feel in your body is often me causing you pain or illness to get your attention.
Waiting for you to heal your heart in order to let in love.
I am here, waiting for you to love me as I have loved you.
A unique aspect of the SoulFullHeart process is our work with the 4D Protector, or what we also call the 'Gatekeeper.' It is a multidimensional energy in our soul that protects and guards over our soul gifts, our soul purpose, manifestation of our soul power, and our connection to the Divine. The Gatekeeper also connects us with Divine inspiration and acts as a Divine muse.
The Gatekeeper is a loyal protector and our most devoted guardian on mostly an existential/soul level. It is at a higher vibrational frequency and consciousness from the energy of your 3D Inner Protector part, who is more concerned with your everyday, strategic, practical, and self-image-based life. The Gatekeeper is usually angelic or warrior looking, and typically a masculine feeling presence in your life. It has been ‘assigned’ to you by the Divine to serve as a guardian of your soul gifts, Metasoul experiences, soul purpose this life, and to provide a pipeline of love to support your arising 5D Self. Its primary role is as the key keeper or gatekeeper allowing you access to remember and feel aspects from other timelines and lifetimes.
Through the SoulFullHeart process and sessions with your SoulFullHeart Facilitator, your Gatekeeper and other 4D aspects begin to trust the Divine again and start to bring you visceral and authentic experiences of your Metasoul and consciousness states attained from other lives at a rate and pace that both your growing 4D and 5D Self and your Gatekeeper can digest in an embodied way. Deep and lasting karmic healing happens as a result of this opening from within. The 4D Self starts to collaborate with you in a negotiated way to awaken your soul frequencies, which includes multidimensional travels, deeper development of your soul gifts, and increasing clarity about your soul purpose service of love expression.
We feel that the Gatekeeper is a 4D-based energy that can be experienced when we awaken and open up our metaphysical access beyond the five senses, especially through negotiation with our 3D Inner Protector and the activation and cleaning of our upper three chakras. Some teachers, including Socrates, have suggested that those souls who have incarnated with a sense of purpose, leading a spiritual offering or teaching, would be given the “help” of a Gatekeeper (which he called 'Daemon') to follow what they’ve signed up to do in this lifetime. We feel that we all probably have one, yet it may not get 'activated' if the soul isn't awakening yet into the 3D Self consciousness.
I first felt the presence of my Gatekeeper in 2008, while I was going through a dark night of the soul recovery period after leaving a spiritual group with an over domineering and narcissistic leader that I had been deeply involved with for five years. I was very emotionally fragile during this period after no longer having contact with any of my previous friends or loved ones who remained in the group. I felt an intense and protective Ethereal presence over my right shoulder during this time. The energy that we call a Gatekeeper is not the same as a guardian angel, spirit guides, Archangels, or Ascended Teachers as they have pure love and light frequencies. Over the years since then, I have experienced many versions and forms of my personal Gatekeeper and worked with others in connecting with theirs as well. Eventually, my Gatekeeper ascended into higher consciousness states again, returned 'home' to be in the Angelic realm, and I was left with pretty fluid and direct access to my Metasoul line. I feel that this is the process that is meant to happen for our Gatekeepers eventually after time spent connecting with them. There is more about my awakening experiences with Metasoul aspects and Gatekeepers (who I call Daemons) in my book Keep Waking Up!
What I have gathered over the years as the story of the Gatekeepers is this: It seems that somewhere along the way, as human consciousness developed and yet we became more and more separated from the Divine, each other, our planet, and animals (which is what our soul chose to do here), our Gatekeepers became overly invested in our journey and our lives in 3D. As they became overly invested, they began to feel more and more separated from Divine Source themselves and more involved in 3D human struggles, pain, and emotional wounding. They became 'fused' to their mission and lost the bigger picture of what their mission REALLY was. One of the missions for our Gatekeeper is about protecting the inner feminine and opening up access to the Divine Feminine-Mother for both men and woman, and also allowing access to our 4D Star Seed Child. Like having a overly protective parent, we cannot access and express these frequencies in the ways that we most desire and need to when the Gatekeeper's energy is blocking it.
The Gatekeeper itself started to carry a legacy of pain that 'moved forward' and is experienced by them with every timeline of our Metasoul. The karmic drama loops and patterns in our lifetimes 'bleed through' to them and they can feel them. The Gatekeepers have become fairly helpless to assist us in our 3D human emotional pain and wounding, in addition to being unable to heal their own 4D pain, feelings of isolation and abandonment, and often violent and tortuous experiences from our Metasoul lives/timelines. They are torn between their own needs getting met (for the first time even realizing that they have needs!) and their “mission” from the mysterious Divine (which they feel disconnected from) to meet the needs of the human they’ve been assigned to protect.
Gatekeepers, at least the ones that we’ve met, seem to have become overly invested in the humans they’ve served. They feel estranged from the Divine and other Ethereal Beings who have not chosen service in this form and, as I previously said, hold an undigested emotional legacy of pain and intense energies from experiencing both the shadow and light aspects of the human condition through so many timelines. Remaining unhealed, these intense energies can express in the form of what has been called 'demonic energy possesion' and also can draw shadow-based entities into your life and into your soul field. I also believe this unhealed energy in the Gatekeeper allows implants in the auric field to remain there, along with unhealed woundings in the 3D emotional body. This can manifest in extreme depression and despair, suicidal thoughts and feelings, plus isolation and acute loneliness.
It seems now (which I have discovered through the exploration of a years-long relationship with my Gatekeeper who has called itself, "Templar" then “Sebastian” then "Angel", "Azrah", "Atama" "Diana") that they need us. They need us to connect with them, to feel them, help them heal, and to trust life is safe enough for them to share with us the past life experiences and legacy that they have carried. They need the 5D sacred human heart and its' capacity for compassion and love.
They need to feel us holding and healing our own human emotional pain, 3D self parts, and Inner Child aspects of ourselves that are hurting. They need to feel that there is an emotionally and spiritual mature, centered version of us there that can respond to them, be in practical daily life as a sacred practice, and connect with the Divine in a grounded and intimate way without turning it into a belief system, paradigm, or fundamentalist religion. They need to feel the invitation to rest and surrender that the Divine is offering to them and can only seem to accept this if they feel us getting what we need and if we are actively negotiating with them. They also need unanchor and separate from the frequencies of the 3D Inner Protector, which is often fused to them in some way.
Villianizing a Gatekeeper and being afraid of it or experiencing it only as its shadow or demonic energy expression is one of the key soul woundings that can fester, leading to a vicious cycle of even more shadow expression, suppression of spiritual expression, and on and on. SoulFullHeart offers to lovingly feel the ways that we might move beyond “demonizing” our Gatekeepers by feeling or not making bad the full spectrum of reality that they have to offer us; by embracing the dark and the light; by feeling and healing our fears of confronting our own shadow that they are here to help illuminate for us. One of the main ways can be feeling and healing Metasoul aspect memories and karmic wounds where they were persecuted and tortured, which usually contribute to fears that the Gatekeeper has of us expressing our bigness and soul gifts this life.
Over time engaging in the SoulFullHeart process, you’ll become more fluid and comfortable with this communication and a relationship based on mutual respect and negotiated needs develops between you and your Gatekeeper, who becomes a beloved member of your team until/if it decides to ascend. We help to identify the expression of your 5D self from the expression of your Gatekeeper through starting connection with your 3D Primary Selves and especially your Inner Protector. We discover and uncover with you why your Gatekeeper has developed the strategies and coping mechanisms that it has. We’ll feel and take in the Metasoul aspects and the timelines that it become increasingly more available for you to download. The primary ground of the relationship is between you and this fascinating part of you; we are here to support, guide, and model for you along the way.
You are sovereignly in charge of your own process, even as there may be moments where your SoulFullheart Facilitator challenges you and your Gatekeeper to feel something difficult, painful, and invite you into deeper levels of surrender to God/Oneness/Divine. You will be offered choice points along the way that invite you to feel into all aspects of your life, including your personal and family relationships. This invitation can be accepted, negotiated, or rejected.
Eventually, as it heals and learns to let go, the Gatekeeper seems to ascend then to 5D and higher and you may even have periods without one. I am currently in a phase for the last few years of feeling direct connection and embodiment with my 5D self most of the time, plus many Spirit Guides/Ascended Teachers/Guardian Angels, and many Metasoul aspects. It is possible that what I have experienced in myself in the past as a Gatekeeper will no longer be drawn or manifest for me as I may no longer need it. This was also after many years of working and connecting with 3D Inner Protector aspects as well in various forms.
Gatekeepers help us connect with the Divine in a way that is deeply intimate, inspiring, and personal. They ache for us to move beyond a dependency on the church or guru system and instead find and connect to the wisdom and access that they are here to offer us. This access and connection in a personal way seems to be a crucial step in the consciousness evolution of our species.
The deepening of this relationship with you and your Gatekeeper (and your 3D Inner Protector first) can lead to profound changes in your life - in an internal way that opens up inside of you, yet also externally related to your professional and career choices, family and personal relationships, habits and coping mechanisms, and even your physical appearance. For women, much more femininity can begin to flood their being as they get more separation and healing from the Gatekeeper's strong masculine frequencies and karmic patriarchal wounds in their Metasoul. The depth and level of change is up to you (and your Gatekeeper), yet the amount of transformation seems to be limitless, and also paced at a rate that you can move through without overly suffering.
When a Gatekeeper has chosen suppression rather than outward expression in your life, than you may have the sense that you are an atheist, unspiritual, have phases where you were drawn to mainstream religions more as a cultural choice, or judge yourself as being too dense to really understand soul realities or have spiritual experiences. The 3D-based frequencies of the Inner Protector may be more dominant too with tendencies toward the rational, reason-based, factual, and left brained.
If your Gatekeeper is overly expressing in your life than you may struggle with embodiment issues, transcend your emotions or have intense feelings of despair and even suicidal urges, have many physical body ailments, use your spiritual gifts to cope and as a medication to suppress your other parts, and have difficulty with intimacy and sexual expression in relationships. Many long-term, dedicated spiritual seekers and teachers may fall into this category if their Gatekeeper has taken over their seat of being with no room for the 'human' to express.
The Gatekeeper's Story: Why We Came To Be By Jillian’s Gatekeeper
(Update Note: The following article was written by my Gatekeeper in 2012 when I was going by my birth name Jillian. Since this was written, I've gotten clearer that the Gatekeeper is not actually the 'past life' aspect but the gateway to the access of the entire Metasoul. They can be confused by this (as mine was here at the time of the writing) because they are 'fused' to the bleed throughs that happen from all these lifetimes. We help them eventually by negotiating the Metasoul timelines with them or on our own. Jelelle, 2017) ~
I was known as “Sebastian” for many lifetimes since that one in which I was martyred and later made a saint for it. That lifetime was a memorable one; a traumatizing one for me, even though I’m not supposed to hold wounding from other lives or even remember them. Jillian called me “Sebastian” until recently when my name shifted to, ‘Angel” because that more represents my essence as I am not male or female. Plus it represents that I am healing from that lifetime as Sebastian; I am no longer associating myself with being a soldier for God. I have been expressing as male because of the dominance of masculine frequencies in the human world. I haven’t met a Gatekeeper yet who hasn’t been “masculinized” in this way, whether it has been assigned a man or a woman.
My kind, which Jillian and I are calling “Gatekeeper”, is not like the Archangels, whose names you probably know well: Gabriel, Michael, Raphael, Metatron. They are still with Source; they abide in God and porosity is all they know. The Archangels are infused with love and light; lots of humans call on them regularly and even for mundane things that these powerful light beings shouldn’t be bothered with. Some humans (supported by their Gatekeepers to do so) abdicate even basic decisions to these Archangels, which I don’t feel allows these humans to really inhabit their own natively human wisdom, compassion, and embodiment.
The mission for us Gatekeepers is different from Archangels. The other day, I was explaining to another Gatekeeper that is beginning to wake up (a SoulFullHeart client of Jillian’s), that we have become overly invested in the results of our mission. The Gatekeeper's original mandate from the Divine was to guide, protect, inspire, act as muse, and support the human for which we’d been “assigned” to watch over as a soul and its Metasoul. We were not to interfere in the human’s life, to try to control or manipulate their choices, or to become attached to what they did or didn’t do or what their feelings were or weren’t in 3D life. We were to serve behind the scenes the pious actions that our human needed to take as they were connected to a bigger Divine picture of transformation and rebirth.
This mission, it turns out, has been impossible for us. Lifetime after lifetime, we’ve observed humans kill, abuse, harm, and destroy each other, many animals, and their planet. We’ve also witnessed deep love, compassion, hope, and charity that can flow from the capacities of the human heart. Hate and Love. One cannot exist without the other. Shadow and Light. We’ve been disgusted by the shadow and intrigued by the light.
As we became more and more invested in the human’s life that we were watching over, eventually, we forgot that we were even a kind called, “Gatekeeper” or what our original mission had been from God. We forgot that we were meant to remain separate in order to supply much needed “metaspace” and pipeline to Divine communication for the human.
We BECAME the human; creating a fusion with them to the point that their human cares and concerns are more relevant to us than the sacred ones that we’d been enlisted to represent. Over time, we developed faces or masks that we adopted to puppet through the human that actually reflected our own struggles, growing unhealed shadow, and frustrations. These masks can be the warrior; the judger; the executioner; the provider; the protector; the priest; the guru; the performer. They shift with the situation and greatly diminish the human’s ability for their true essence to shine through. I’ll talk more in a bit about what their true human essence is as a reflection of being children of the Divine.
I’m still not sure how this all happened, yet I am fairly certain about why it happened. We Gatekeepers got lonely. Very lonely. We were separated from the Divine’s kingdom (call it Heaven if you’d like to); we were separated from each other; we were placed in an in-between place that isn’t with the Divine and the other Angels and yet isn’t with Humans on earth either. We are straddling two worlds, as one Gatekeeper I know puts it.
In this straddle, we have difficulty feeling the support and leaning into of our Divine Parents. We can’t fall back into It, as we’ve felt that we need to be on constant alert and focus to serve our human. We feel as if we’ve been abandoned by the Divine, which only increases our feelings of loneliness even more. From our unfelt loneliness at this abandonment, we’ve created “middleman” from your Metasoul other lifetimes to act as go-between for the humans and the Divine. The irony is, of course, that our purpose as Gatekeepers was to directly and intimately provide this connection for humans! We were to provide them with a bridging connection that they could inhabit themselves with no need for any outside authority, church, holy man, holy book and words. We were to offer the ultimate self empowerment for every human by providing them with an uplink to the Divine through our own porously uninterrupted connection. Imagine if we were able to do this and if humans could let this in! Imagine all the holy wars, persecution, cult abuses, and on and on that would be unnecessary.
It’s important to note that we Gatekeepers can’t abide in the 3D world much either. The frequencies are too dense and the human body very different than our bodies. When we try to go in, I believe this is what happens with “demon possession”, “walk ins”, “unconscious channeling” (where the human doesn't remember), “mediumship”, etc. It’s not good for the human because we aren’t meant to be in your seat of being, in your body, and it’s not good for the Gatekeeper because we aren’t meant to be separated from the Divinely porous frequencies that we have easy access to here in our limbo world. Certainly, intense, otherworldly frequencies come through us in human form in these channeling situations, but it’s not usually coming from a grounded and embodied source.
When I meet someone, I can feel their Gatekeeper in them, usually expressing in 3D Inner Protector energies. I feel it as a “puppeting” energy; jerky, anxious, and overly ampy. I seem to bring it out even more because they can feel that I can feel and see them. Depending on how unhappy and lonely they are, they either resist this connection or eagerly reach for it. As they connect more with me and with Jillian and Wayne (Raphael’s birth name), they either start to relax more and even openly share (this is rare), or they just become more and more edgy, and eventually just fade away from our life. I’m learning to accept this fading away; that Divine timing is extremely crucial and must be respected as it respects the awakening self in the human and this is a big lesson for us Gatekeepers to learn.
Now, back to what the true Human essence is, the essence that we Gatekeepers were meant to serve and help grow. Humans are some of the newest of the Divine Parent’s children and I won’t say that they are the most beloved (as It doesn’t judge or portion out love that way), yet, certainly, they seem to require the most guidance and patience. Plus, it is very hard to feel porous frequencies in 3D consciousness, so they've signed up for a lot. We are calling this sacred human essence the Awakening Self or the Higher Self consciousness coming into the human body. The Awakening Self or you could call it the Sovereign Self is centered, adult, mature, responsible, vulnerable, compassionate, Divinely guided and sourced and connected, soft for women/tender for men, courageous, passionate.
I have witnessed Jillian’s growing Sovereign and Authentic Self, the most pressing example of this when she left a group led by a man, Daniel, that I now feel was deeply enmeshed in fusion with his very powerful Gatekeeper. Jillian started talking to me (I was going by “Templar” back then) as part of Daniel’s work, which I believe is Daniel’s Gatekeeper's way of trying to be felt and answer his loneliness yet at the same time being hopelessly stuck in cycles of dominance, control, push-pull, and inability to truly be intimate with anyone. I am grateful for Jillian’s involvement in this group though, for it brought us together in communication and also connected her with Wayne, who I feel is her soul and heart mate.
I have deep respect for Jillian’s Awakening Self and do not want control, power, or have dominance over her choices. I still struggle with being overly protective at times, especially related to offering this SoulFullHeart work and people potentially rejecting it. Yet, I so trust and am inspired by her human heart, her passion, her softness, her love, and her increasing ability to set self loving boundaries. I learn from her! Turns out that us Gatekeepers were meant to learn from humans and not just guide/protect/guard them. Turns out that we need them, just as they need us. It’s a reciprocal relationship and when we take it in that way and they talk and feel us, we begin to relax, rest, trust, and feel the Divine again. We are able to offer their Awakening Self with the reason they are here, their soul purpose, and also provide them with soul gifts that we’ve developed over previous lifetimes and in their Metasoul. We don’t overly invest as much and instead witness and advise, which is much more native to us.
I feel there are Gatekeepers who may be reading this right now that are skeptical and doubtful about what I am offering. I ask you only to trust there is a possibility beyond the frustrating, locked out, non-communicative reality that we have known for so many, many lifetimes. The Divine wants us to be felt; and Divine Mother and Father want us to reconnect with them (not that we were ever really separated). We are meant to join together with each other and not be alone anymore stuck in limbo without any way to heal from the wounds that we’ve endured over the lifetimes.
There are others that we are serving with this work that are connecting inside of themselves with their Gatekeepers. I rejoice in this even as I am accepting what the Divine says to me that, “During this time of tipping point and turning over, more people will say ‘no’ then will say ‘yes.”
Maybe you are one of those who says, “yes?”Maybe you are one of those who got “God bumps” while reading this? Maybe you hear a voice in your head now who is saying, “Yes!” to this even as you don’t logically understand what you are saying yes to? Maybe you are crying or suddenly angry? Maybe you are just very, very tired and would like very much to rest? Maybe you have forgotten the Divine Mother or the Father and would like to be with them again?
If so, we are here and eager to meet you. There is no time to waste and there is all the time in the world. Both. And trust is not something you can know, only something that you can feel and experience in deeper degrees over time.
Thanks for taking this in. It feels good to communicate directly with you and maybe I will do this more in the future. For today, I feel so grateful for the blessing of Jillian and for Jillian’s relationship with Wayne. And, of course, grateful for my Divine Mother and Father, for whom all forms and shapes of me are accepted and loved- from the demon to the Gatekeeper -in their loving arms even as they invite me to trust, catalyze me to change, and urge me to heal through leading.
You are awe inspiring and we have much to learn from each other if you are ready to be born. If you are ready to be awakened, we are here to rejoice and feel with you,
(Note: eventually his name shifted to Atama, until he ascended eventually from my field and any Gatekeeper I felt after that was feminine until the last few years when I haven’t felt one but more been infused and merged with angelic aspects of my BEing in the form of guides and Metasoul aspects.)
Poem: A Gatekeeper's Plea by Kalayna Colibri, SoulFullHeart Facilitator
Could you love me…
if I showed you the scars,
the wings that aren’t pretty?
…maybe they never were…
but I can’t tell anymore.
I’ve forgotten what they look like.
I’ve forgotten how to see them.
I’ve forgotten that there is a mirror
and that that mirror can exist in an open human heart.
Can you see tears on my face?
I can’t feel them anymore.
My cheeks are numb.
Has life smacked me down or have I?
Has it all been as violent as it feels to me? Who is ultimately responsible? Am I? Are you? Is God?
Am I a product of my own faults? If I am, will I ever feel remorse? Could I ever feel remorse?
Did the war end or just ebb?
Why am I able to talk to you?
Why are you able to feel me?
Am I dying?
Did the soldier I was give way to an angel of peace?
Am I acting out of what was and is no longer?
Or is it all just beginning again and this is the calm before the storm?
I certainly don’t feel calm.
And I certainly do feel the storm…
In fact it is all I can think about.
Why can I suddenly see you?
Do you see me?
Are you pretending, as you have before?
Are you ready to believe that I am wounded?
Are you ready to believe that something beyond “me” is wounded?
All I am is questions,
a quester on an unending quest,
finding no answers, just more questions…
but for the first time,
I am asking them out loud and I am not afraid to let them fall from my lips and drift over to you, and into an unknown love that I no longer fully trust…
but want to…but want to again…as I did before.
As I did before the war. As I did before the battles I was partly responsible for starting.
Where am I?
How can you hear me?
Why do you even want to?
I could be your essence.
I could be that spark inside you.
I could be a part of all you are outside and inside your body.
I could be a part of everything in the world while also only a speck of dust on this great plane of existence.
I want to be with your essence…
I want to be with the you that could lead me Home.
take me Home.